This month I want to work on our self-judgement. At the age of 31, I hear many younger women compare and judge themselves against others and I hear older women judge themselves against others.
To judge is the ability to make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, especially in matters affecting action; I always thought when I was a young-adult that self-judgment would go away as I became a woman.
I’m lucky. I have learned to love and appreciate my physical self and my intelligence, BUT many of our female peers still struggle to be confident and continue to think harshly of themselves by constantly comparing their looks, smarts, families, life, and the list goes on.
I’m sure you have experienced many of these feelings as well…If you haven’t, I want to know your secret!
I’ve heard it all (well most), I’ve been put down, picked up, spit out, and swallowed with nasty words from others and the horrible inside chatter with my own self-judgment.
How do we stop the self-judgment?
I’m going to share with you a few ways I’ve found helpful dealing with my self-judgment. For the record, I’m not perfect and I don’t feel 100% confident everyday.
I like to have a down day here and there because how else would I know when I have a great day? We experience these feelings for a reason, so embrace them all and learn from them.
Be Free of Self-Judgment
The biggest challenge I had was to tear myself away from the mirror. I was spending so much time starring at my features in the mirror and picking myself apart it was destroying my happiness and self-confidence.
To overcome this I would look in the mirror as I needed and move on out. No lingering around to stare and perfect the direction of my eyebrows or cover up that tiny pimple.
If this is one of your bad habits, then set a timer. Set a timer for a time it normally takes you to get ready in the morning or whenever you go out. Get dressed, put your makeup on, brush your hair, and move on.
Another trick you can do to minimize the self-judgment is to force yourself to write all the great things about yourself and your life. Start paying attention to the good and not the bad.
The grass is never greener, trust me. It’s funny because I was reading a story to my nephew and it was about a chameleon who wanted to be like all the other animals, but by the time he stepped foot in their worlds, he missed his world and wanted to go back to being a chameleon. We all have our own struggles, so stop thinking the girl next door’s life is better.
Another most important factor in minimizing the judgment that goes on in your head is to be aware of it. Are you? It’s important to become aware and slowly work to improve those thoughts.
Cut the judgment short as soon as you realize it’s happening. Change the subject or finish it and then apologize and state something positive right after you’ve discovered you’ve said something negative towards yourself or towards somebody else.
Take these small steps towards having less self-judgment.
* Less time in the mirror – the longer you stare and pick, the more you will find the negative.
* Journal all the good about yourself and your life, see the good vs. the bad.
* Become aware of the judgment that goes on in your head, and comes out of your mouth as well as the judgment that goes on around you from your friends and family.
Get rid of the judgment! Stop judging yourself and stop judging others. Take it one day at a time and you will become happier, more confident in yourself, and more successful overall.
Susan Vernicek is known as the Identity Energizer. Her purpose and passion is to empower women to get all A’s in the game of life, within themselves and their lives.